The best Rapture scam ever: Eternal Earthbound Pets [I Heart Internets]
In my opinion, there just aren't enough people out there taking advantage of the believers in a Rapture. There's damn good money to be made in ripping people off who are just waiting for the Second Return of Jesus. Eternal Earthbound Pets, however is on the cutting edge of this very business. For a $110 for the first pet and $15 for any additional pets, you can pay an atheist to watch over your pets after the Second Coming. It's fucking genius. Thanks to Lexi for the link.
Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.
Q: Do YOU believe in the Rapture.
A: As atheists we do not hold beliefs in the supernatural or a divine being. Thus, we do not believe in the Rapture. However, we respect the beliefs of others and are open to the possibility that our perspective could possibly be wrong.
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.
Q: Can I meet or communicate with my rescue representative? A: Sorry, No. Our representatives' information are held in strict confidence.
Q: Can I be sure my name and information won't be misused or circulated?
A: We hold all information in complete confidence. Your name, street address, and email info are held only in the EE-BP data base. They are not provided to the respective rescue representative unless and until the Rapture actually occurs. Only the state, town , type and number of pets are known in advance to the rescue representatives for advanced logistical planning purposes.
Q: How can we trust that you'll honor your service agreement, afterall, you ARE atheists.
A: Being an atheist does not mean we lack morals or ethics. It just means we don't believe in God or gods. All of our representatives are normal folks who love and live for their family, are gainfully employed, and have friends of varying beliefs. Some of us are married to believers. Many of us volunteer our time at food banks, animal shelters, meals on wheels organizations, etc. We fully endorse the "Rule of Reciprocity", also known as "The Golden Rule." We just happen not to believe in God(s).
Just so you know, you can probably find this service for free. There are others who have very strong faith in God but do not believe in the Rapture. Taking the time to find a believer to help you out could not only save you $125, but could also provide you comforting words should you in the very likelihood that the Rapture won't happen.
William
23 Aug 09 at 10:42 pm
I'm curious william… if one has a "strong faith in God," but doesn't believe in the rapture, does that preclude them from being Raptured? Is that what you are now proffering as Evangfelical fundamentalist dogma??
I mean… lets face it, if you are a christian thru and thru, Jesus didn't say "believe in the rapture or you don't beam up." He said to believe in HIM…not a nonbiblical event.
So your premise is faulty, albeit…I am unsurprised since theists usually don't think things through all the way.
On the otherhand, you could leave your family dog in the care of some nice Buddhist asian family…oh wait… besure they aren't Koreans or Vietnamese.
Bart
29 Aug 09 at 9:43 pm
how can a athiest have morals or ethics they dont believe there is right or wrong just indifference.
if they believe in morals and ethics there has to be a moral or ethical law giver beyond what some other human says, ie hitlers morals a rapist morals a murderer s ethics they are all self choosing so the athiest may have things he does not like to do but they are not morals or ethics they are indiffrent to some actions.they ca n be nice and loving but all goes against athiesm which is a religon/ faith in and of it self
morals–adjective 1. of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical: moral attitudes.
ethics
the rules of conduct recognized in respect to a particular class of human actions or a particular group, culture, etc.: medical ethics; Christian ethics.
kaz gnik
4 Sep 09 at 2:23 pm