How Rape Whistles Destroy Families: The Least Romantic Valentine’s Day Columns
Valentine’s Day! It’s an occasion to tell that special someone how much you care. An excuse to enjoy free candy, pretty much no matter what your romantic status is. (Also, on February 15, prices on bags of Hershey’s Kisses are insane.) Basically, it’s a pretty harmless day that combines chocolate and sex and the occasional unbelievably bad movie. But on the Internet, helpful reminders abound that some WHO: Blogger Carl at The Agonist WHAT: Some wocka-wocka-wocka collar-tugging about how men and women are different. Fellas: “It seems a man can never get this occasion quite right: she’s allergic CARL THE ROMANTIC: “Maybe Valentine’s Day does matter for that narrow reason: the qualities QUOTED WITHOUT COMMENT: “Hookers look forward to today. They actually get a day off. I’d bet if WHO: Rich Santos, man-blogger at Marie Claire (thanks, Hairpin!) WHAT: Tips for ladies on Valentine’s Day, including pointers on communication (“the easiest way to figure this out is to RICH THE ROMANTIC: “I’m not sure which QUOTED WITHOUT COMMENT: “If you’re single, don’t let Valentine’s Day make you lonely. Find your other single friends and hang out. But try not to form one of those WHO: Laurie Penny, columnist at The Guardian WHAT: A broadside against sanitized, homogenized, corporatized ideas of love; also, a shot at the Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher comedy No Strings Attached that already feels outdated. LAURIE THE ROMANTIC: “The rash of roses and restaurant deals that accompanies Valentine’s Day QUOTED WITHOUT COMMENT: “Real human hearts are not gaudy, cast in gold or made of chocolate. Real WHO: Karen Czapanskiy, professor at the University of Maryland School of Law, writing at New Deal 2.0, the blog of the liberal Roosevelt Institute WHAT: A grim reminder that abuse, assault, and sexual violence are incredibly widespread in America, and social institutions often aren’t up to the job of helping women in these situations. FOR EXAMPLE: “Women soldiers who are sexually assaulted by someone else in the WHY’S IT IN THIS POST? Because of this intro: “On Valentine’s Day, lucky American women will receive roses as a show of OKAY: This is obviously a serious problem, and there’s no bad time to write about it. But, you know, that paragraph took an abrupt turn, didn’t it? WHO: Lionel Tiger, professor of anthropology at Rutgers, writing in The Wall Street Journal. WHAT: It’s hard to even say. HOW ABOUT A QUOTE? “In our catch-as-catch-can-society it became an effective strategy for a HMM, GOT ANYTHING A LITTLE … CRAZIER? “Our system increasingly favors females. In countless American colleges, HOW ABOUT CALLING WOMEN UGLY? “It’s the female who makes the fundamental choice. The peacocks may OR BLAMING ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN ON WOMEN BEING SNOBBY? “One reason is that many men are ‘unwilling to commit.’ But the likelier LIONEL SOLVES ALL THE PROBLEMS: “To coin a phrase, men are becoming alienated from the means of reproduction, which presumably no one wants. Is there anything to be done to reverse this trend? A good first step
people are sleazy, violent, or hostile, no matter what the calendar date. Below, a Whitman’s Sampler of some of the most anti-romantic sentiments in circulation today.
to flowers, candy makes her fat, the lingerie is the wrong size–and
heaven help you if you get a size too big!” Ladies: “If she’s married, she has to grin and bear the usual clumsy
last-minute presents… If she’s single, she either has to put up with the plethora of
invitations from guys who figure they can get some that night easily,
or the shame of a silent phone.”
that got us into that mess, the breasts, the hair, the way you kiss each
other, the caresses, the smiles lighting up, need to be celebrated.” Happy Valentine’s Day, baby, here’s to your rack!
there were a Hookervania, it would be a national holiday, a day when the
blood can flow back into their legs (gender neutral, you’ll note).”
talk about it”) and whether or not to go psycho (“don’t go psycho”).
is more awkward: receiving a gift when you didn’t buy one for your significant
other, or giving a gift when they didn’t get you one. The second is definitely
more embarrassing, so I’d urge you not to buy a gift if you’re not sure–at
least you can save face that way.”
bitter girl’s groups because single guys like me and my buddies go out prowling
for these groups in hopes of easy pickins.”
has little to do with real passion. Rather, it nudges us into robotic
ceremonies of spending and sexual bargaining. It turns love into a
limited commodity when, in fact, there is more than enough to go around.
And, to misquote Marx, it allows business to wield a grim control over
the means of seduction.” This actually does sound like a case for genuine, organic romance, until Penny brings Marx into it.
human hearts are bloody, meaty, beating messes of fear and emotional
flux.”
military are four times more likely to talk about the crime to their
families than to their military command. Women in prison face not only
the deprivation of their liberty and the threat of sexual assault, but
also the loss of parental rights.”
affection. But for too many, violence, intimidation, and abuse are the
norm. In 2007, as in 1993, more than three-quarters of people killed by
an intimate partner were women. During 2010, 15 women were murdered
as a result of intimate partner violence just in the state of
Minnesota. One in three Native American women is raped during her
lifetime, and three in five are physically assaulted.”
female of a certain class to expect a guarantee of a man’s commitment in
the form of an utterly useless asset called the engagement ring. The
current norm is that the male must convert two months of after-tax
income into this special property for his fiancée.”
the first day of classes involves a rape seminar–largely to please the
lawyers, no doubt–which stigmatizes men as potential predators and women
as victims. The back of every women’s bathroom door at Colby College
provides a list of things to do surrounding rape; first-year females at
Brown are given a whistle to use when rape threatens.”
flail their gorgeous feathers, but it’s the dull peahen who decides
which of the posturing lot is healthiest and most likely to provide the
necessary goods and services to support the trying matter of bearing
and raising offspring.”
explanation is that 40% of women do not think the candidates available
to them are worth the time and trouble.”
is for women to ease up on the patriarchy yammer, especially when it
comes to romance: Ideology has no place in the nation’s bedrooms.
For their part, men need to appreciate that female partners view
relationships as of greater consequence and meaning than men do.”
, The Agonist
, Marie Claire
, The Guardian
, New Deal 2.0
, The Wall Street Journal
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