By Edward | Politics & Poetry
A spokesman for the Ethiopian government said on Sunday that the English monarch Queen Elizabeth the 2nd was descended from a 19th century tribeswoman from the Semien Mountains in northern Ethiopia. Records from the nation’s archives apparently provide evidence of a secret liaison between the then king Edward VII and a local unnamed peasant women. Queen Elizabeth’s great-great-grandfather, also known as the “uncle of Europe”, was said to have enjoyed numerous hunting trips into the heart of Africa during his lifetime.
Sceptics claim that the Ethiopians are trying to follow in the footsteps of their southern neighbour Kenya, who have a legitimate connection to the newly elected US president Barack Obama on his paternal side. Both the Kenyan and Eritrean governments were quick to squash the rumours regarding Queen Elizabeth as ‘absolute and crazy nonsense’.
However, an English historian who has chosen to remain anonymous said it could well be possible. Speaking from Addis Ababa airport, he said:
“I think there is a case to be made that Queen Elizabeth II is in fact partly Ethiopian. From the documents I have seen today, it is apparent that her ancestor King Edward VII had had a hushed up sexual relationship with an albino woman from a remote village in the northern mountain ranges of Ethiopia. If we can get some DNA from her majesty and begin some tests then I think we would establish this claim as a fact beyond any doubt”.
Scientists have often studied the features of the long reigning English queen. Some German biologists pointed out in 1985, that her mouth and cheeks were not typical of the northern European facial structure. French hair salons and famous stylists have often been silenced for mentioning the incredible lengths the monarch goes to in order to take the tiny curls out of her hair.
Paris hair dresser Paul Prideux, who was once her personal stylist, said in a radio interview last year:
“It is impossible! Impossible! ‘er ‘air is like a golli… er… an African! No more I tell you. She must get ‘nother ‘airdresser!”
Buckingham Palace has yet to comment on the speculation but is expected to issue a denial in the coming days. If the claims prove to be true it could mark a major change in British-Ethiopian relations. Some royal experts and supporters even think it could mark a revival in pro-monarchist sentiments amongst the usually hostile Liberal-Left, Socialists and the BBC who would warmly welcome an ethnic minority Commander-in-Chief. Somalia, who has been in conflict with Ethiopia, is said to be worried about the possible repercussions of a future alliance of a major Western power with its enemy.
The two nations are awaiting further developments with much interest.
- In satire